At the end of January 2015, I was downsized out of my job at the time because it was not a good 2014 for the company. It was a bit of a wake-up call. I hated that job. It drained part of my soul every single time I went in. I didn't want to talk about it with my friends or family because I just wanted to pretend that it didn't exist when I wasn't there. And the fact that I could be deemed part of the "unnecessary 10%" was shocking to me. I vowed then and there to find a job that I absolutely loved within the year.
Surprisingly enough, that didn't happen. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed my job. I still do. It stretches me in a variety of necessary ways and provides a lot of opportunity for personal growth. But I didn't wake up every morning thankful that I'd found the perfect job.
Then I started thinking about all of the "perfect" things that society had led me to believe I deserve to have. I didn't have the perfect apartment (it smelled faintly like smoke, which I detest). I didn't have the perfect boyfriend. Hell, I still haven't even figured out what my Holy Grail game is, let alone acquired it. I had this image in my mind of what my life would be in my mid-20s, and I hadn't achieved it.
It led to two months of drifting. It's not like I was actively unhappy, but I just drifted through the days in a fairly mechanical way.
It feels cliche to blame society for holding out this perfect life that I could never attain*, but that's what early 2016 was to me: a wake-up call that the amazing life I'd pictured when I was younger wasn't the one I had.
*mostly because then I'd have to admit that I probably actually am a Millennial
Lindsey Jayne Saxton
Playing for Meeps since 1990.